An example of evidence from the primary text being used less effectively to support interpretations

Sample essay 3: 'Tragedies portray societies which are caught between conflicting value systems.' Discuss with reference to one or more plays.

This is an extract from the essay:

'Everyman is a Christian play in which God is seen as manipulative and vengeful, though heaven is seen as a good place.

Now shalt thou into the heavenly sphere,
Unto which all ye shall come
That liveth well before the day of doom. (l.899-901)

This alone shows a conflicting value within the play.'

Q. How could this be improved?

TUTOR'S REPLY

It is claimed that in Everyman, God is portrayed as manipulative and vengeful, but no direct evidence from the text is provided to support this statement. The quote which is given does not alone serve to illustrate the point which is being made, that there is a conflict in the play between the apparently negative depiction of God and entry to heaven being the reward for moral virtue.