Other examples of the less effective use of evidence from the primary text to support interpretations

Example 1

Essay question: 'Dr. Faustus is a morality play without a moral.' Discuss.

This is an extract from a student essay answering the above question:

'... The actual play itself is written in such a form that it sounds like a sermon. The writer is preaching to the audience, another way for a man of the cloth to reach God’s people other than church. We can see this preaching effect through the boldness of the characters.

As the play is one of morality, we would expect also to see ...'

Q. How could this be improved?

TUTOR'S REPLY

This observation, that the play is written in the style of a sermon, is potentially valid and interesting, but not enough evidence from the text is provided to substantiate it. The essay would be improved if the student referred to and discussed (even briefly) those sections of the text where it seems to be like a sermon, identifiying its 'sermon-like' qualities. Similarly, examples from the text would also be very useful in expanding on the assertion that the 'boldness of the characters' has a 'preaching' effect.

Example 2

Essay question: 'Hamlet, and perhaps Hamlet, is obsessed with female sexuality.' Do you agree that this is a mainspring of the tragedy?

The following extract comes from an essay by an undergraduate student answering the above question:

'Hamlet too thinks that his mother is a weak, dominated woman who can be easily persuaded to do what others want her to. Evidence for this claim is that she only ever exits a scene once at her own bidding, Claudius is a device in which Shakespeare removes her from the scene. Claudius usually asks his wife to do something or go somewhere. This fault is something that Hamlet attributes to all women: 'frailty, thy name is woman' (I.ii.150). Hamlet is so derogatory of feminine traits because he is afraid of being labelled effeminate.'

Q. How could this be improved?

TUTOR'S REPLY

The critical observations made here are supported by reference to the text - e.g. 'evidence for this claim is that she only ever exits a scene once at her own bidding' - but this reference is not specific enough. The essay would be improved through the relatively straightforward act of saying in exactly which acts and scenes of the play Hamlet’s mother exits through her own choice, and where Claudius orders her departure. (Indirect, passing reference to these particular scenes is appropriate if the observation being made is not centrally important to the essay - but if it was of greater significance, a more detailed consideration of these scenes might be productive.)


Example 3

Essay question: Discuss the representation of women in the poetry of this period (1550-1750).

The following extract is from a student essay, answering the question quoted above:

'Much of the poetry of this period was on the subject of love, therefore women were clearly at the forefront of a poet’s mind. The Reverend A B Grosart said that women were 'to be reverenced, loved, and transfigured with celestial radiance'. The women of Shakespeare were written about in this way and with depth and beauty some though could never be equalled. Shakespeare did veer from the convention in that his first 126 sonnets were written to a male.'

Q. How could this be improved?

TUTOR'S REPLY

In this extract it is unclear whether the essayist is referring to the women in Shakespeare’s poems, or the plays. Although the essay is about poetry and it is likely that it is Shakespeare’s sonnets which are being referred to, this is not openly stated. The comment that 'the women of Shakespeare were written about in this way and with depth and beauty' may be valid, but without supporting evidence from specific texts, it is a sweeping generalisation and lacks validity. To be improved, some reference needs to be made to particular examples of Shakespeare’s poetry in which women are presented in this way.

Example 4

Essay question: Compare and contrast any two Renaissance sonnets of your choice.

This is taken from a student essay, answering the above question:

'One of the most obvious basis for comparison between any two sonnets, is the poets’ choice of rhyme scheme, as often this choice is an indication of the poets intentions for the focus of their poem. Donne in 'batter my heart...' uses an ABBA rhyme scheme, this divides the sonnet into the introductory octave, which makes up the body of the sonnet and a final sestet. As is conventional with this type of rhyme scheme Donne uses the ninth line to change the mood of the sonnet; it is part of Petrarchan tradition that the structure is in harmony with the mood of the sonnet. Shakespeare uses another structural aid in 'My mistress' eyes ...', the ABAB rhyme scheme lends itself to the use of three quatrains with the ‘turn’ occurring in the final couplet. As this poem is an exercise in continuation, this rhyme scheme is particularly appropriate. Shakespeare has in this poem used connected imagery in order to connect the flow of the rhyme scheme to the body of the poem. An easy example of this is found in the first quatrain with the use of colour; red, white, dun and black this links to the second with the imagery of roses, known for their scent to perfumes, to breath, to speech.'

Q. How could this be improved?

TUTOR'S REPLY

The essayist describes the rhyme schemes of the poems, but there is very little quotation from the primary text here. In addition, not enough attention is paid to how the rhyme scheme contributes to the meaning of each poem. Although particular features of the texts are identified, they are not related by the student to the larger picture. The work would be improved by discussion at greater length of how particular formal features of the poem contribute to the overall content.

Example 5

Essay question: 'Hamlet, and perhaps Hamlet, is obsessed with female sexuality.' Do you agree that this is a mainspring of the tragedy?

The following extract is taken from a student essay on the above question:

We can understand Hamlet’s need for revenge as he felt he had been violated by his mother: "The Queen his mother / Lives almost by his looks" (IV.vii.12-13).

Q. How could this be improved?

TUTOR'S REPLY

The extract from the text which is quoted does not seem to relate to the point about Hamlet which the essayist is making. Although it is possible that the student who wrote the essay could see the significance of this quotation, it appears irrelevant to the reader. An extract should be chosen from the text which more clearly exemplifies the point being made about Hamlet’s relationship with his mother.


Example 6

This extract comes from a student essay on Hamlet:

'In the following speech, Hamlet appears to consider himself to be an actor rather than a prince and he refers to the player who actually shed tears of emotion whilst playing Hecuba, which contrasts Hamlet’s apparent lack of emotion in a 'real' situation:

'What would he do
Had he the motive and the cue for passion
That I have? he would drown the stage with tears,
And cleave the general ear with horrid speech,
Make mad the guilty and appal the free,
Confound the ignorant, and amaze indeed
The very faculties of eyes and ears.
Yet I,
A dull and muddy-mettled rascal, peak
Like John-a-dreams, unpregnant of my cause,
And can say nothing - ...' (II.ii.554-564)

Q. How this could be improved?

TUTOR'S REPLY

Too much of the primary text is being reproduced here in support of a single critical point. You need to be selective and focused in quoting from the text, although if you were going to go on and provide a close reading of this particular part of the text, you might be justified in quoting such a long extract. Ask yourself 'why am I quoting this part of the text? How does it contribute to the point and overall argument that I am making?' It is also worth remembering that quoting from the text in your essay is not a substitute for actual analysis of it. You cannot let the quotations 'do the talking' for you, which is why it is often a good idea to explain the significance of the section you have quoted.

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