An example of a less effective introduction to the essay

Sample essay 3: 'Tragedies portray societies which are caught between conflicting value systems.' Discuss with reference to one or more plays.

This is the introduction to the essay:

'Conflicting value systems are always around, especially where death is involved. So in the tragedies of Everyman, Doctor Faustus and Hamlet there are many conflicts to face. These include personal moral conflicts with individual characters of the plays and also opposing values between the different characters in the play.. Conflicting value systems may even stretch to how the audience interprets the play and the beliefs and culture at the time.'

Q. How could this be improved ?

TUTOR'S REPLY

This introduction indicates which texts are going to be discussed within the essay, but doesn't show that the essay question has been analysed and a coherent interpretation arrived at. The essayist does not explain in sufficient detail what is meant by 'value systems' within the context of the plays being looked at, although the examples given (personal moral conflicts, different characters holding opposing value systems) do indicate that they are thinking along the right lines. The essay as a whole suffers from this lack of focus in relation to 'conflicting value systems' - it is not just the introduction that is unclear about this central issue.

To be more effective, this introduction (and indeed the essay) could attempt to define 'conflicting value systems' more rigorously. It could also usefully outline in greater detail the topics to be covered in the essay, and demonstrate that the issues foregrounded by the statement in the question had been thought about in some depth (i.e. how might the conflict of value systems be seen to contribute to the tragic events of the play?)